Tuesday, April 24, 2012


Am i really posting? Is this real?
So I'm not big on blogging(did you notice?). BUT most of the reason I have chosen not blog in the last few years is because Nayt and I have been struggling with infertility for 2 years. I don't want everyone to read my blog and think I'm a big complainer or just wish I wouldn't post at all, so I chosen not to. I don't care if people know, its actually easier if they do know what I'm going through. But this week is National Infertility Awareness Week and so I figured it's a good time to let everyone know whats going on in my life.

Quick catch up...

Yes i have gone to/talked to the Dr...
Yes I have done tests and treatments...
No they do not know the exact problem...
Yes I'm open to fertility treatments...
Yes I'm open to/have considered adoption...
Yes i am okay with talking about this...
No i am not mad when you announce your pregnant...
and.... YES this is without a doubt the absolute hardest thing i have ever been through.

So i thought I would educate you on Infertility a bit. This is what I wish everyone knew about infertility...

Chances are, you know someone who is struggling with infertility. More than seven million people of childbearing age in the United States experience infertility. Yet, as a society, we are woefully uninformed about how to best provide emotional support for our loved ones during this painful time.
Infertility is, indeed, a very painful struggle. The pain is similar to the grief over losing a loved one, but it is unique because it is a recurring grief. When a loved one dies, he isn't coming back. There is no hope that he will come back from the dead. You must work through the stages of grief, accept that you will never see this person again, and move on with your life.
The grief of infertility is not so cut and dry. Infertile people grieve the loss of the baby that they may never know. They grieve the loss of that baby who would have had mommy's nose and daddy's eyes. But, each month, there is the hope that maybe that baby will be conceived after all. No matter how hard they try to prepare themselves for bad news, they still hope that this month will be different. Then, the bad news comes again, and the grief washes over the infertile couple anew. This process happens month after month, year after year. It is like having a deep cut that keeps getting opened right when it starts to heal.
As the couple moves into infertility treatments, the pain increases while the bank account depletes. The tests are invasive and embarrassing to both parties, and you feel like the doctor has taken over your bedroom. And for all of this discomfort, you pay a lot of money.
A couple will eventually resolve the infertility problem in one of three ways:
  • They will eventually conceive a baby.
  • They will stop the infertility treatments and choose to live without children.
  • They will find an alternative way to parent, such as by adopting a child or becoming a foster parent.
Reaching a resolution can take years, so your infertile loved ones need your emotional support during this journey. Most people don't know what to say, so they wind up saying the wrong thing, which only makes the journey so much harder for their loved ones. Knowing what not to say is half of the battle to providing support.
Don't Tell Them to Relax
Everyone knows someone who had trouble conceiving but then finally became pregnant once she "relaxed." Couples who are able to conceive after a few months of "relaxing" are not infertile. By definition, a couple is not diagnosed as "infertile" until they have tried unsuccessfully to become pregnant for a full year. In fact, most infertility specialists will not treat a couple for infertility until they have tried to become pregnant for a year. This year weeds out the people who aren't infertile but just need to "relax." Those that remain are truly infertile.
Comments such as "just relax" or "try going on a cruise" create even more stress for the infertile couple, particularly the woman. The woman feels like she is doing something wrong when, in fact, there is a good chance that there is a physical problem preventing her from becoming pregnant.
These comments can also reach the point of absurdity. As a couple, my husband and I underwent two surgeries, numerous inseminations, hormone treatments, and four years of poking and prodding by doctors. Yet, people still continued to say things like, "If you just relaxed on a cruise . . ." Infertility is a diagnosable medical problem that must be treated by a doctor, and even with treatment, many couples will NEVER successfully conceive a child. Relaxation itself does not cure medical infertility.
Don't Minimize the Problem
Failure to conceive a baby is a very painful journey. Infertile couples are surrounded by families with children. These couples watch their friends give birth to two or three children, and they watch those children grow while the couple goes home to the silence of an empty house. These couples see all of the joy that a child brings into someones life, and they feel the emptiness of not being able to experience the same joy.
Comments like, "Just enjoy being able to sleep late . . . .travel . . etc.," do not offer comfort. Instead, these comments make infertile people feel like you are minimizing their pain. You wouldn't tell somebody whose parent just died to be thankful that he no longer has to buy Father's Day or Mother's Day cards. Losing that one obligation doesn't even begin to compensate for the incredible loss of losing a parent. In the same vein, being able to sleep late or travel does not provide comfort to somebody who desperately wants a child.
Don't Say There Are Worse Things That Could Happen
Along the same lines, don't tell your friend that there are worse things that she could be going through. Who is the final authority on what is the "worst" thing that could happen to someone? Is it going through a divorce? Watching a loved one die? Getting raped? Losing a job?
Different people react to different life experiences in different ways. To someone who has trained his whole life for the Olympics, the "worst" thing might be experiencing an injury the week before the event. To someone who has walked away from her career to become a stay-at-home wife for 40 years, watching her husband leave her for a younger woman might be the "worst" thing. And, to a woman whose sole goal in life has been to love and nurture a child, infertility may indeed be the "worst" thing that could happen.
People wouldn't dream of telling someone whose parent just died, "It could be worse: both of your parents could be dead." Such a comment would be considered cruel rather than comforting. In the same vein, don't tell your friend that she could be going through worse things than infertility.
Don't Say They Aren't Meant to Be Parents
One of the cruelest things anyone ever said to me is, "Maybe God doesn't intend for you to be a mother." How incredibly insensitive to imply that I would be such a bad mother that God felt the need to divinely sterilize me. If God were in the business of divinely sterilizing women, don't you think he would prevent the pregnancies that end in abortions? Or wouldn't he sterilize the women who wind up neglecting and abusing their children? Even if you aren't religious, the "maybe it's not meant to be" comments are not comforting. Infertility is a medical condition, not a punishment from God or Mother Nature.
Don't Ask Why They Aren't Trying IVF
In vitro fertilization (IVF) is a method in which the woman harvests multiple eggs, which are then combined with the man's sperm in a petri dish. This is the method that can produce multiple births. People frequently ask, "Why don't you just try IVF?" in the same casual tone they would use to ask, "Why don't you try shopping at another store?"
Don't Be Crude
It is appalling that I even have to include this paragraph, but some of you need to hear this-Don't make crude jokes about your friend's vulnerable position. Crude comments like "I'll donate the sperm" or "Make sure the doctor uses your sperm for the insemination" are not funny, and they only irritate your friends.
Don't Complain About Your Pregnancy
This message is for pregnant women-Just being around you is painful for your infertile friends. Seeing your belly grow is a constant reminder of what your infertile friend cannot have. Unless an infertile women plans to spend her life in a cave, she has to find a way to interact with pregnant women. However, there are things you can do as her friend to make it easier.
The number one rule is DON'T COMPLAIN ABOUT YOUR PREGNANCY. I understand from my friends that, when you are pregnant, your hormones are going crazy and you experience a lot of discomfort, such as queasiness, stretch marks, and fatigue. You have every right to vent about the discomforts to any one else in your life, but don't put your infertile friend in the position of comforting you.
Your infertile friend would give anything to experience the discomforts you are enduring because those discomforts come from a baby growing inside of you. When I heard a pregnant woman complain about morning sickness, I would think, "I'd gladly throw up for nine straight months if it meant I could have a baby." When a pregnant woman would complain about her weight gain, I would think, "I would cut off my arm if I could be in your shoes."
I managed to go to baby showers and hospitals to welcome my friends' new babies, but it was hard. Without exception, it was hard. Stay sensitive to your infertile friend's emotions, and give her the leeway that she needs to be happy for you while she cries for herself. If she can't bring herself to hold your new baby, give her time. She isn't rejecting you or your new baby; she is just trying to work her way through her pain to show sincere joy for you. The fact that she is willing to endure such pain in order to celebrate your new baby with you speaks volumes about how much your friendship means to her.
Don't Treat Them Like They Are Ignorant
For some reason, some people seem to think that infertility causes a person to become unrealistic about the responsibilities of parenthood. I don't follow the logic, but several people told me that I wouldn't ache for a baby so much if I appreciated how much responsibility was involved in parenting.
Let's face it-no one can fully appreciate the responsibilities involved in parenting until they are, themselves, parents. That is true whether you successfully conceived after one month or after 10 years. The length of time you spend waiting for that baby does not factor in to your appreciation of responsibility. If anything, people who have been trying to become pregnant longer have had more time to think about those responsibilities. They have also probably been around lots of babies as their friends started their families.
Perhaps part of what fuels this perception is that infertile couples have a longer time to "dream" about what being a parent will be like. Like every other couple, we have our fantasies-my child will sleep through the night, would never have a tantrum in public, and will always eat his vegetables. Let us have our fantasies. Those fantasies are some of the few parent-to-be perks that we have-let us have them. You can give us your knowing looks when we discover the truth later.
Don't Gossip About Your Friend's Condition
Infertility treatments are very private and embarrassing, which is why many couples choose to undergo these treatments in secret. Men especially are very sensitive to letting people know about infertility testing, such as sperm counts. Gossiping about infertility is not usually done in a malicious manner. The gossipers are usually well-meaning people who are only trying to find out more about infertility so they can help their loved ones.
Regardless of why you are sharing this information with someone else, it hurts and embarrasses your friend to find out that Madge the bank teller knows what your husband's sperm count is and when your next period is expected. Infertility is something that should be kept as private as your friend wants to keep it. Respect your friend's privacy, and don't share any information that your friend hasn't authorized.
Don't Push Adoption (Yet)
Adoption is a wonderful way for infertile people to become parents. (As an adoptive parent, I can fully vouch for this!!) However, the couple needs to work through many issues before they will be ready to make an adoption decision. Before they can make the decision to love a "stranger's baby," they must first grieve the loss of that baby with Daddy's eyes and Mommy's nose. Adoption social workers recognize the importance of the grieving process. When my husband and I went for our initial adoption interview, we expected the first question to be, "Why do you want to adopt a baby?" Instead, the question was, "Have you grieved the loss of your biological child yet?" Our social worker emphasized how important it is to shut one door before you open another.
You do, indeed, need to grieve this loss before you are ready to start the adoption process. The adoption process is very long and expensive, and it is not an easy road. So, the couple needs to be very sure that they can let go of the hope of a biological child and that they can love an adopted baby. This takes time, and some couples are never able to reach this point. If your friend cannot love a baby that isn't her "own," then adoption isn't the right decision for her, and it is certainly not what is best for the baby.
Mentioning adoption in passing can be a comfort to some couples. (The only words that ever offered me comfort were from my sister, who said, "Whether through pregnancy or adoption, you will be a mother one day.") However, "pushing" the issue can frustrate your friend. So, mention the idea in passing if it seems appropriate, and then drop it. When your friend is ready to talk about adoption, she will raise the issue herself.
So, what can you say to your infertile friends? Unless you say "I am giving you this baby," there is nothing you can say that will erase their pain. So, take that pressure off of yourself. It isn't your job to erase their pain, but there is a lot you can do to lesson the load. Here are a few ideas.
Let Them Know That You Care
The best thing you can do is let your infertile friends know that you care. Send them cards. Let them cry on your shoulder. If they are religious, let them know you are praying for them. Offer the same support you would offer a friend who has lost a loved one. Just knowing they can count on you to be there for them lightens the load and lets them know that they aren't going through this alone.
Remember Them on Mother's Day
With all of the activity on Mother's Day, people tend to forget about women who cannot become mothers. Mother's Day is an incredibly painful time for infertile women. You cannot get away from it-There are ads on the TV, posters at the stores, church sermons devoted to celebrating motherhood, and all of the plans for celebrating with your own mother and mother-in-law.
Mother's Day is an important celebration and one that I relish now that I am a mother. However, it was very painful while I was waiting for my baby. Remember your infertile friends on Mother's Day, and send them a card to let them know you are thinking of them. They will appreciate knowing that you haven't "forgotten" them.
Support Their Decision to Stop Treatments
No couple can endure infertility treatments forever. At some point, they will stop. This is an agonizing decision to make, and it involves even more grief. Even if the couple chooses to adopt a baby, they must still first grieve the loss of that baby who would have had mommy's nose and daddy's eyes.
Once the couple has made the decision to stop treatments, support their decision. Don't encourage them to try again, and don't discourage them from adopting, if that is their choice. Once the couple has reached resolution (whether to live without children, adopt a child, or become foster parents), they can finally put that chapter of their lives behind them. Don't try to open that chapter again.

With 1 in 8 people struggling with infertility chances are you know more people than you think who are struggling with infertility. VISIT http://resolve.org/ for more info!

Friday, January 21, 2011

101 things in 1001 days...

Since it is a new year i thought that i would make some goals for the next 1001 days...here they are!
1. Get Nayt graduated from the Mechanical Engineering Program
2. Read a book every other month
3. Go on vacation
4. Take more pictures
5. Do a 5K every year
6. Train Bronx
7. Blog monthly
8. Make a jean quilt
9. take a vitamin every day
10. cook something new for dinner every month
11. eat more veggies
12. learn to made bread
13. consistently work out
14. Find a new job
15. Surprise Nayt with a birthday gift
16. Read my scriptures every day
17. Have a baby
18. learn to speak Spanish (kinda)
19. get my passport under the name "Jaimie Dunn"
20. Donate Blood
21. Grow my hair out, and than cut it really short
22. Take a yoga class
23. take a pottery class
24. stop biting my nails
25. beat Nayt at a video game
26. decorate my apartment
27. go to a naturopath
28. rent an educational book at the library and read it
29. Learn to knit
30. Buy and decorate a real Christmas tree
31. Have Family Home Evening every week
32. Visit a Temple i have never been to
33. Have a real craft room
34. Make a homemade gift for someone
35. grow tomato's every year
36. send out a Christmas card
37. re-read all the Harry Potter books
38. buy something from Etsy
39. go to a WSU football game
40. do 25 REAL push ups
41. complete a half marathon
42. bowl a perfect game on Wii
43. go to a concert
44. have a coin jar, save for something fun
45. make a dessert that looks to pretty to eat
46. wash/fold/put away laundry all in the same day for a month
47. make a homemade Halloween costume for me and Nayt
48. buy a complete outfit from a thrift store
49. get a raise at work
50. Buy Flowers for myself
51. Make a "work out" play list
52. donate my hair to locks of love
53. Do a 10K
54. Have a date night every month
55. plan something for our anniversary
56. go camping every summer with Nayt
57. Pay off the car
58. Go to "Old European" for breakfast
59. go somewhere for a girls weekend
60. grown an herb garden
61. Enroll Bronx in an agility class
62. Move out of Pullman
63. Get a family picture with Santa every year
64. Re-read all the Twilight books
65. Go to a Theme park
66. Volunteer at a food bank
67. No TV for a week
68. Make jewelry for myself
69. make a Vegan meal
70. Make Danish Coffee cakes
71. Go to a play
72. Remember all family birthdays and send cards/letters to all of them
73. shave my legs every week
74. Make my bed every day for a month
75. go on a road trip
76. have a fondue party
77. go to bed by 10:00 every weekday for a month
78. put on real clothes and not PJ's after work for 2 months
79. go to a midnight showing of a movie
80. go to a spa
81. eat something new
82. convince Nayt to take a dance class with me
83. visit a Zoo
84. do not complain about anything for a day
85. don't eat sweets for a month
86. Host a theme party
87. Have a golden birthday party
88. keep a gratitude journal
89. Read a classic novel
90. Go on a Cruise
91. Donate to a charity
92. go backpacking
93. have the carpets in my apt cleaned
94. participate in a book club
95. coupon again
96. buy a bike for myself
97. take a self defense class
98. drink 8 glasses of water every day for 2 weeks
99. take a picture every day for a month
100. Plan 1 dog friendly outing every month
101. go ski diving for scuba diving

Monday, September 27, 2010

Mutt Strutt, Fair & Snuggies!

Having friends sure makes Pullman a whole lot more fun. Last week we spent the day with our new friends Courtney and Travis. We love them! And our dogs are friends, so it works out really well. We went the "Mutt Strut" that morning. It was a fundraiser to make an off leash dog park in Pullman. We saw some of Bronx's puppy friends there, got his nails trimmed, and Got some free Treats! Here are a few pictures....

Bronx with his buddies Molly and Bandit.

Bronx and Bandit sharing a window in the car, and modeling their matching jackets.

Us with the Courtney and Travis, and the pups.

Than we went to the fair. I love going to the Fair. Mostly i just like the food. We got hand dipped corn dogs and elephant ear. The elephant ear was HUGE. We shared and still took about 1/2 home.

Us at the Fair!

Than we made ourselves Snuggies! I cant stand the commercials for them, but its actually a good idea. So when Wal-Mart decides its going to discontinue its fabric section, and they sell all of their fabric for super cheap, we got some WSU fleece. But after we finished we were so in love with them we thought that we would take a picture of how snug-a-luscious they are!

We love them. I think we use them every day.

Now we are just getting ready for Nayt's Birthday! He will be 25 on the 1st of October. haha not that we have big plans or anything. He will actually be at school all day and ill be at work. But we will be having dinner and cake. And seems how we dont go out to eat very often, were exceited!

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

The last while in review...

So I'm playing catch up... but better late than never right?
We went to AZ to visit some of Nayts family who lives there in May. it was a blast! And we finally got to meet little Taylor! Here are a few pictures.

Me and Nayt with Landon and Taylor.

Here are Nayt with 3 of his brothers.

Here is Landon and I. We are buddies.

Than in July we went to visit my family. Mallorie, Jon and Cache came too. We only got to spend a few days there together but here is a picture of us. Minus Nayt, Jon, and Taylor.

We are just waiting for Thanksgiving and Christmas now. We miss them all so much!

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Family Pics!

Thanks to me wonderful sister, Mallorie, we now have some pretty stinking cute family pictures! And i love them!

My Puppy!

This one is my favorite..

Friday, December 4, 2009

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Bronx plays in the snow!

Bronx has never seen snow so it was fun to let him play in it for the first time. He had a blast! It started in the morning when i opened the blinds. He sat infront of a window the whole morning just staring out it.
When we took him out to play in it be kept digging to find the grass that he was sure was underneath it. And sometimes he would just take off runnning in it and slide when he tried to stop. He thought that it was great fun. Here are a few pictures of him playing in the snow!

(Looking very much like a Boxer)

(prancing like a Bunny)